just words

"recently I was driving through Los Angeles, and suddenly I had the strange sensation of driving through a huge dictionary. wherever I looked there were words trying to take my eyes from the road. they said, 'use me, take me, buy me, drink me, smell me, touch me, kiss me, sleep with me.' in such a world who can maintain respect for words? all this to suggest that words, my own included, have lost their creative power. their limitless multiplication has made us love confidence in words and caused us to think, more often than not, 'they are just words.'" -Henri Nouwen

hard work

"human relationships easily become possessive. Our hearts so much desire to be loved that we are inclined to cling to the person who offers us love, affection, friendship, care, or support. Once we have seen or felt a hint of love, we want more of it. That explains why lovers so often bicker with each other. Lovers' quarrels are quarrels between people who want more of each other than they are able or willing to give.

It is very hard for love not to become possessive because our hearts look for perfect love and no human being is capable of that. Only God can offer perfect love. Therefore, the art of loving includes the art of giving one another space. When we invade one another's space and do not allow the other to be his or her own free person, we cause great suffering in our relationships. But when we give another space to move and share our gifts, true intimacy becomes possible. Intimacy between people requires closeness as well as distance. It is like dancing. Sometimes we are very close, touching each other or holding each other; sometimes we move away from each other and let the space between us become an area where we can freely move.

To keep the right balance between closeness and distance requires hard work, especially since the needs of the partners may be quite different at a given moment. One might desire closeness while the other wants distance. One might want to be held while the other looks for independence. A perfect balance seldom occurs, but the honest and open search for that balance can give birth to a beautiful dance, worthy to behold." -Henri J.M. Nouwen

Secularity

"secularity is a way of being dependent on the responses of our milieu. the secular or false self is the self which is fabricated, as Thomas Merton says, by social compulsions. 'Compulsive' is indeed the best adjective for the false self. it points to the need for ongoing and increasing affirmation. who am I? I am the one who is liked, praised, admired, disliked, hated, or despised. whether I am a pianist, a businessman, or a minister, what matters is how I am perceived by my world. if being busy is a good thing, then I must be busy. if having money is a sing of real freedom, then I must claim my money. if knowing many people proves my importance, I will have to make the necessary contacts. the compulsion manifests itself in the lurking fear of failing and the steady urge to prevent this by gathering more of the same- more work, more money, more friends. these very compulsions are at the basis of the two main enemies of the spiritual life: anger and greed. they are the inner side of a secular life, the sour fruits of our worldy dependencies." -Henri Nouwen

forgiveness

"Forgiving does not mean forgetting. When we forgive a person, the memory of the wound might stay with us for a long time, even throughout our lives. Sometimes we carry the memory in our bodies as a visible sign. But forgiveness changes the way we remember. It converts the curse into a blessing. When we forgive our parents for their divorce, our children for their lack of attention, our friends for their unfaithfulness in crisis, our doctors for their ill advice, we no longer have to experience ourselves as the victims of events we had no control over." -Henri J.M. Nouwen

A + B + C

every good relationship between two or more people, whether it is friendship, marriage, or community, creates a space where strangers can enter and become friends. Good relationships are hospitable. When we enter into a home and feel warmly welcomed, we will soon realize that the love among those who live in that home is what makes that welcome possible.

when there is conflict in the home, the guest is soon forced to choose sides. 'Are you for him or for her?' 'Do you agree with them or with us?' 'Do you like him more than you do me?' These questions prevent true hospitality - that is, an opportunity for the stranger to feel safe and discover his or her own gifts. Hospitality is more than an expression of love for the guest. It is also and foremost an expression of love between the hosts.

by Henri J.M. Nouwen

like dancing

human relationships easily become possessive. Our hearts so much desire to be loved that we are inclined to cling to the person who offers us love, affection, friendship, care, or support. Once we have seen or felt a hint of love, we want more of it. That explains why lovers so often bicker with each other. Lovers' quarrels are quarrels between people who want more of each other than they are able or willing to give.

It is very hard for love not to become possessive because our hearts look for perfect love and no human being is capable of that. Only God can offer perfect love. Therefore, the art of loving includes the art of giving one another space. When we invade one another's space and do not allow the other to be his or her own free person, we cause great suffering in our relationships. But when we give another space to move and share our gifts, true intimacy becomes possible. Intimacy between people requires closeness as well as distance. It is like dancing. Sometimes we are very close, touching each other or holding each other; sometimes we move away from each other and let the space between us become an area where we can freely move.

To keep the right balance between closeness and distance requires hard work, especially since the needs of the partners may be quite different at a given moment. One might desire closeness while the other wants distance. One might want to be held while the other looks for independence. A perfect balance seldom occurs, but the honest and open search for that balance can give birth to a beautiful dance, worthy to behold.

by Henri J.M. Nouwen

body parts

the Church is one body. Paul writes, "We are baptised into one body in a single Spirit" (I Corinthians 12:13). but this one body has many parts. As Paul says, "If they were all the same part, how could it be a body? As it is, the parts are many but the body is one" (I Corinthians 12:19). Not everyone can be everything. Often we expect one member of the body to fullfill a task that belongs to others. But the hand cannot be asked to see nor the eye to hear.

together we are Christ's body, each of us with a part to play in the whole (see I Corinthians 12:27). Let's be grateful for our limited but real part in the body.

by Henri Nouwen

forgiving the Church

when we have been wounded by the Church, our temptation is to reject it. But when we reject the Church it becomes very hard for us to keep in touch with the living Christ. When we say, "I love Jesus, but I hate the Church," we end up losing not only the Church but Jesus too. The challenge is to forgive the Church. This challenge is especially great because the Church seldom asks us for forgiveness, at least not officially. But the Church as an often fallible human organization needs our forgiveness, while the Church as the living Christ among us continues to offer us forgiveness.

it is important to think about the Church not as "over there" but as a community of struggling, weak people of whom we are part and in whom we meet our Lord and Redeemer.

by Henri Nouwen

love

"how do we know that we are infinitely loved by God when our immediate surroundings keep telling us that we'd better prove our right to exist? the knowledge of being loved in an unconditional way, before the world presents us with its conditions, cannot come from books, lectures, television programs, or workshops. This spiritual knowledge comes from people who witness to God's love for us through their words and deeds. These people can be close to us but they can also live far away or may even have lived long ago. Their witness announces the truth of God's love and calls us to act in accordance with it." -Henri J.M. Nouwen

love

"Jesus is free to love us because he is not dependent on our love." -Henri J.M. Nouwen

a paradox

"the great paradox of life is that those who lose their lives will gain them. This paradox becomes visible in very ordinary situations. If we cling to our friends, we may lose them, but if we are nonpossesive in our relationships, we will make many friends. If fame is what we seek and desire, it often vanishes as soon as we acquire it, but if we have no need to be known, we might be remembered long after our deaths. When we want to be in the center, we easily end up on the margins, but when we are free enough to be wherever we must be, we often find ourselves in the center. Giving away our lives for others is the greatest of all human acts. This will gain us our lives." -Henri J.M. Nouwen

love

"....very few people know that they are loved without any conditions or limits.

This unconditional and unlimited love is what the evangelist John calls God's first love. 'Let us love,' he says, 'because God loved us first' (1 John 4:19). The love that often leaves us doubtful, frustrated, angry, and resentful is the second love, that is to say, the affirmation, affection, sympathy, encouragement, and support we receive from our parents, teachers, spouses, and friends. We all know how limited, broken, and very fragile that love is. Behind the many expressions of this second love there is always the chance of rejection, withdrawal, punishment, blackmail, violence, and even hatred. Many contemporary movies and plays portray the ambiguities and ambivalences of human relationships, and there are no friendships, marriages, or communities in which the strains and stresses of the second love are not keenly felt. Often it seems that beneath the pleasantries of daily life there are many gaping wounds that carry such names as abandonment, betrayal, rejection, rupture, and loss. These are all the shadow side of the second love and reveal the darkness that never completely leaves the human heart.

The radical good news is that the second love is only a broken reflection of the first love and that the first love is offered to us by a God in whom there are no shadows." -Henri J.M. Nouwen

self

"....force me to let go of my relevant self - the self that can do things, show things, prove things, build things - and forced me to reclaim that unadorned self in which I am completely vulnerable, open to receive and give love regardless of any accomplishments." -Henri J.M. Nouwen

life

"some people live long lives, some die very young. Is a long life better than a short life? What truly counts is not the length of our lives but their quality. Jesus was in his early thirties when he was killed. Therese de Lisieux was in her twenties when she died. Anne Frank was a teenager when she lost her life. But their short lives continue to bear fruit long after thier deaths.

a long life is a blessing when it is well lived and leads to gratitude, wisdom, and sanctity. But some people can live truly full lives even when their years are few. As we see so many people die of cancer and AIDS, let us do everything possible to show our friends that, though their lives be short, they are of infinite value." -Henri J.M. Nouwen

still

"be still and acknowledge that I am God" Psalm 46:10

"these are words to take with us in our busy lives. We may think about stillness in contrast to our noisy world. But perhaps we can go further and keeep an inner stillness even while we carry on business, teach, work in construction, make music, or organize meetings.

It is important to keep a still place in the "marketplace." This still place is where God can dwell and speak to us. It also is the place from which we can speak in a healing way to all people we meet in our busy days. Without that still place we start spinning. We become driven people, running all over the place without much direction. But with that stillness God can be our gentle guide in everything we think, say or do." -Henri J.M. Nouwen

presence

"if we are able to be fully present to our friends when we are with them, our absence too will bear many fruits. Our friends will say, 'he visited me' or 'she visited me,' and discover in our absence the lasting grace of our presence." -Henri J.M. Nouwen

inviting

"every good relationship between two or more people, whether it is friendship, marriage, or community, creates a space where strangers can enter and become friends. Good relationships are hospitable. When we enter into a home and feel warmly welcomed, we will soon realize that the love among those who live in that home is what makes that welcome possible.

when there is conflict in the home, the guest is soon forced to choose sides. 'Are you for him or for her?' 'Do you agree with them or with us?' 'Do you like him more than you do me?' These questions prevent true hospitality - that is, an opportunity for the stranger to feel safe and discover his or her own gifts. Hospitality is more than an expression of love for the guest. It is also and foremost an expression of love between the hosts." -Henri J.M. Nouwen

easy

"it seems easier to be God than to love God, easier to control people than to love people, easier to own life than to love life." -Henri J.M. Nouwen

care for the shepherd

"how can people truly care for their shepherds and keep them faithful to their sacred task when they do not know them and so cannot deeply love them?" -Henri J.M. Nouwen

open

"I was suddenly faced with my naked self, open for affirmations and rejections, hugs and punches, smiles and tears, all dependent simply on how I was perceived at the moment." -Henri J.M. Nouwen